Everyday…
or whenever I wake up, I keep asking myself: Why am I still alive? What’s there to do? Why’ do they still accept me, a guy with no goal or ambition in life?
My “life” seems to be stuck in a “paused” state for the past few years because of the lost of ambition (assuming there ever was one). It really bugs the shit out of me. This sense of being “paused” gnaws at my mind, my comfort, my sanity. It makes me sick to my gut. It’s like a parasite that refuses to die.
Worst of all this “paused” state makes me feel like a failure; a shitty, toxic investment. This lack of an ambition makes me feel like I can’t stand on equal ground with anyone anymore, I can’t even face friends let alone my family anymore; I’ve practically locked myself into my room for almost 22-23 hours a day.
I wonder what other problems will develop down the line… I already have severe depression and am starting to develop social anxiety disorder, what’s next?
Meanwhile, in my love life, my wallet and my ask box…
ha, forever alone :o
(Source: yourhaloisslipping)
